I remember as a child how excited I felt when someone wanted to be my friend and how upset I became if one of them said they didn’t want to be my friend any more. I also recall putting the world to rights all day with my best friend and then going round to see her after tea to carry on some more.
When my children were small many of my neighbors also had young children. I met others at the clinic and later at school and these opportunities resulted in my having lots of friends.
For most of us the need for close relationships has not diminished as we’ve grown older but the opportunity and means for creating them has. If we lose a partner, for whatever reason, sometimes relationships we shared with them are lost or damaged and the fear of feeling isolated or lonely becomes greater. Wherever we are on our life transition journey we need people who care for us in our team and need to put more time and effort into making new relationships. Here are a few ideas to get you going.
1. Be proactive and take the first step. If you want to make friends, you have to get out there. Friends will not come knocking on your door while you sit at home watching TV!
2. Talk to people. Socializing needs practice.. You can join a club or go to evening classes and you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. Each time you talk to someone new, you have a chance at making a friend. Most conversations will not lead anywhere and you may never talk to that person again but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.
3. Join as many groups/activities as you can. The wider you cast your net the more likely you are to find someone you has the same interests as you. If you have something in common with people, it can make it a lot easier to start a conversation
4. Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people to meet others. By working together you build relationships with people, and you might meet others who enjoy the same things as you do
5. Don’t be judgmental. You will need to be in contact with a lot of people to find a friend you can relate to.
6. Start a conversation. There are many ways to do this; a comment about your immediate environment, ‘I love these old buildings don’t you? ‘Or ‘It makes such a difference when the sun is shining don’t you think?’’, a request for help "Can you help me choose an outfit for my friend's wedding??" Or a compliment e.g. "I love your necklace” Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? Where did you get great jewelery like that?
7. Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery and bounce a few words back and forth for a little bit.
8. Introduce yourself towards the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is...” Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same.
9. Initiate a meeting. You can talk your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again. Also be careful not to refuse an invitation you may later regret as the person they may not ask you again.
10. Suggest you meet for coffee or lunch . This will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other better. A good way to begin is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee let me give you my number/e-mail address." This gives the person the opportunity to contact you. They may or may not give you their information. Just don't take it personally if they choose not to as there could be any number of reasons . Just offer your contact details to whoever looks like a potential friend and eventually somebody will get in touch.
11. Use the Internet. In general, the Internet is a great place to make friends, but expect to have to go through a lot of people on-line before you find the someone you can relate to
12. Choose variety. It is unlikely that one person will meet all your needs.Maybe the walking group we join will satisfy us to some extent and chatting to a colleague and going to the theatre with a neighbor will fill the rest. One friend might be a good listener while you may have to go to someone else to have a fun night out with.We really have to make an effort to meet a range of different people across the age and social spectrum, each one of which will fill a social need in some way but maybe no one person will become our soul mate.
1. Be proactive and take the first step. If you want to make friends, you have to get out there. Friends will not come knocking on your door while you sit at home watching TV!
2. Talk to people. Socializing needs practice.. You can join a club or go to evening classes and you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. Each time you talk to someone new, you have a chance at making a friend. Most conversations will not lead anywhere and you may never talk to that person again but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.
3. Join as many groups/activities as you can. You will reduce this in the long term but the wider you cast your net the more likely you are to find someone you have the same interests as you. If you have something in common with people, it can make it a lot easier to start a conversation
4. Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people to meet others. By working together you build relationships with people, and you might meet others who enjoy the same things as you do
5. Don’t be judgemental. You will need to be in contact with a lot of people to find one friend you can relate to
6. Start a conversation. There are many ways to do this; a comment about your immediate environment, ‘I love these old buildings don’t you? ‘Or ‘It makes such a difference when the sun is shining don’t you think?’’, a request for help "Can you help me carry these boxes, if you have a minute?" Or a compliment "That's a nice car." or "I love your necklace” Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? Where did you get great jewellery like that?
7. Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery and bounce a few words back and forth for a little bit.
8. Introduce yourself towards the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is...” Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same.
9. Initiate a meeting. You can chat your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again.
10. Suggest you meet for lunch or coffee. This will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. A good way to begin is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address." This gives the person the opportunity to contact you; they may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine. Maybe they don't have time for new friends—don't take it personally! Just offer your contact details to whoever looks like a potential friend and eventually somebody will get in touch.
11. Use the internet. In general, the Internet is a great place to make friends, but expect to have to sift through a lot of people online before you find the someone you can relate to
12. Choose variety. It is unlikely that one person will meet all your needs. One friend might be a good listener while you may have to go to someone else to have a fun night out with.
Fashion for the most part is nothing but the ostentation of riches.
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Posted by: faisalali | October 31, 2009 at 05:16 AM