When I hit 50 I was catapulted into a roller coaster of loss and change that took my breath away and made me put my life under the microscope. I had lost trust in my own judgment and didn't know who I was anymore.When I was at my lowest ebb I decided things had to change and I needed to take back control of my life.
I found a Life Coach and one of the most powerful things we did was to identify and clarify my personal values. Values are what makes us who we are. They represent our special uniqueness and act as a compass for making good decisions and fulfilling life choices when we approach a major crossroad or lose our way.
One of the best tools I have found for making good decisions is the Values Based Decision Matrix developed by Laura Whitworth.Here is an abbreviated version of it.
Firstly you need to clarify what your values are and there are various ways to do this.
Identify and write down special moments that you have experienced in your life. What was happening? Who was present? What values were being honored and expressed in that moment? Now do the opposite by looking at times when you were angry, upset or frustrated. What feelings were around the upset? What were the circumstances? What values were being trodden on at the time? Then flip it over and look at the opposite to find the value you were suppressing. For example feeling backed into a corner might be suppressing the values of freedom and choice.
You can also brainstorm all the things that are important in your life.What are the values you absolutely must honor, or part of you dies? Now rank your top ten values in priority order from the list you have made and draw three vertical lines beside them about 2cms apart
When you want to make a decision, score your level of satisfaction for each value i.e. the degree to which you are honoring each value, on a scale of 1-10. 1 being no satisfaction at all and 10 you couldn't be more satisfied. Put the date at the top.
Now project three months and a year ahead, put those dates at the top too. Ask yourself 'Imagine that I did make that change' and write down what your scores would be if you did against each value.Next, imagine that you did not make the change and write down those scores.The results will show you which decision will most closely honor your values.
Values change over time (and the priority you give them certainly will) so it is worth keeping the list you have made and checking whether you want to change anything on an annual basis. I always do mine at the end of the year ready for my new years resolutions!
'Every time a value is born, existence takes on a new meaning; every time one dies, some part of that meaning passes away' Joseph.Krutch
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